


Something Vague

by PastaKing



Category: Free!
Genre: Graduation, High School, M/M, Obliviousness, The Little Prince - Freeform, long conversations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-02
Updated: 2016-08-02
Packaged: 2018-07-28 23:59:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7662253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PastaKing/pseuds/PastaKing
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei won't admit to himself how scared he is of graduating.</p>
<p>Nagisa is a lot smarter than he looks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Something Vague

**Author's Note:**

> I originally thought about writing this using the honorifics, but it sounded ridiculous when I read through it. 
> 
> The title of this was inspired by my favorite Bright Eyes song. Though not related to the story, I love it more than anything and recommend it to all of you.
> 
> Also, forgive me for mentioning The Little Prince in here. It's my favorite. If you've read it, let's be friends. If you haven't, don't worry, you don't need to to understand the story :) Enjoy!

It was the night before graduation and Rei couldn't sleep. 

Shadows drifted across his ceiling as cars hummed down the main road, their headlights illuminating his room for a split second and then passing all at once. The light was gone as soon as it had come and the darkness immediately wrapped him up, like some sort of suffocating blanket. The evening humidity mixed with the stifling silence that hung thick in the air. He was afraid, for some reason. He was afraid of the shadows on his walls and the worries in his head, just like a little kid would be. And like a little kid, Rei couldn't solve his problems on his own. So he picked his phone up from his bedside table and shaky fingers dialed the first number that came to his head. 

He pressed the cellphone to his ear, cringing at the volume of the dial tone and every sharp automated ring that followed. It rang three times before he heard movement on the other line. The sleepy little groan that came through the receiver was reassuring, to say the least.

"...Rei...?"

"Hi."

"...Is everything okay? It's, like, two. In the morning." The voice was muffled, as if he were talking into a pillow or something. Rei must have just woke him up, and it made him feel bad.

"Can I come over? Is that, uh...is that alright?" It probably wasn't alright, and Rei knew it. After all, two in the morning wasn't the most convenient time to have company.

There was quiet laughter on the other side of the line. It calmed Rei down slightly to know that at least one of them was in semi-high spirits. "I thought you hated being up late. But yeah, sure. But we'll hang outside because I don't wanna wake my parents. Okay?"

"Okay."

Rei could hear him smile. "Okay. I'll be waiting for you on the stairs." The line went dead, but Rei wished he hadn't hung up. It was quiet again- it was too much for him to bear.

The trip to Nagisa's house felt different at this hour. He knew the way like the back of his hand, but it didn't look as familiar as it did in the daylight. He was more than a little relieved once the house came into view, the main entrance illuminated by soft yellow light. Nagisa was there, wrapped in a blanket, perched on his front steps like he'd promised he would be. Rei immediately felt guilty when he saw him- he looked so tired. His eyelids drooped as he stared up at the stars, almost as if he were about to pass out from exhaustion. But when he saw Rei, he immediately brightened. He waved excitedly, putting his entire body into it like a child would. Two summers ago, Makoto had laughed as Nagisa waved to them the same way on the morning of their regionals competition.

"He reminds me of a puppy that loses its balance after wagging its tail too hard," he had chuckled. Rei agreed with him. He remembered the way they swam that day, all inspired by something that pushed them to be better. It felt like it was so long ago now; it had been about a year since he had talked to Makoto. It had been even longer since he'd seen Haruka. But he'd heard good things from their families- Rei saw them around town every once and a while. He couldn't help but wonder what his old teammates would think of him now.

Rei grinned halfheartedly at Nagisa in acknowledgement, and Nagisa beamed at him. He patted the space next to him on the stair. Rei shuffled towards him.

"Hi." Nagisa brought his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms across them. He looked happy, but his face fell somewhat after seeing Rei's expression. Concern flooded his features. "You look cold. Do you want me to get you a blanket? Or we could just share this one, if you want."

Rei grimaced. "A blanket? It's, like, sixty-five degrees." He slumped next to Nagisa, who now had the blanket covering his head and draped over his shoulders like a six year old.

"Blankets are a frame of mind, Rei. It's night, and it's dark, so I need a blanket," Nagisa stated matter-of-factly as he hugged the blanket closer to him. Rei didn't understand how blankets could be a frame of mind. 'Blanket' was not a mood, and therefore could not influence a behavior the way a frame of mind would. But it was better to drop the subject before it sent Nagisa on a tangent about how Rei was a buzzkill. Instead, he just sighed in response.

Rei was hit with the familiar sting of saltwater and the smell of the ocean. It relaxed him to know that the ocean was so close. Nagisa's house was directly across from a sprawling dock, constantly busy with bustling fishermen and people on sailboats and seagulls screaming as they passed over. Rei liked it best around sunset, when the boats were docking for the night and the tired looking people started their cars to go home. The sun would set over the water, casting orange splotches across its surface. He'd never seen it at two in the morning- he usually tried not to make a habit of being awake at this hour- but it was just as calming as it was at sunset, only in a different way. He could barely see the water, but he could hear it. He could hear the swell slosh against the sides of the boats, imagine what the dark waves looked like. The moon's counterpart was its rippling reflection directly beneath it, a white pool of light that was occasionally broken up by the unruly waves. The ocean was transparent- it didn't lie to him. There was an honesty in its movements, and Rei wished his life was a bit more like the nature of the water. All-encompassing. Flowing. And predictable, to a certain extent.

"Hey," Rei breathed, his shaky voice breaking the silence between them. He turned to the blanket lump next to him. When addressed, Nagisa poked his head out out of the cotton fabric like a turtle. His hair was staticky and it stuck up in every imaginable direction.

"Hmm?"

"We...we graduate tomorrow." 

"Well, duh. This shouldn't be news to you," he snickered, bumping Rei's shoulder.

"It's not news, of course, it's just...we're graduating. For real. Isn't that weird to think about?"

Nagisa shrugged. "Mm. Not anymore, really. I've been mentally preparing myself, but it's still kind of scary." He turned away from Rei to look at the ground, smiling to himself and the concrete beneath him.

This made Rei falter- he could tell Nagisa was lying. Avoiding eye contact was one of his nervous habits. It seemed like the blonde had a thousand and one telltale signs when he was anxious, and Rei could pinpoint all of them. He first started noticing them before swim competitions, when Nagisa was himself but not himself at the same time. He constantly had this jittery energy to him. His speech mannerisms, the way he played with his hands, and the sudden need to tie and retie his shoes became more apparent the closer he came to his heat. Then they started to continue past swim season and into the classroom, before school, after school, everywhere. It made Rei worry sometimes.

But now was not the time to tell Nagisa to stop being nervous, because that would make Rei a hypocrite. And he never was any good at comforting people, anyway.

"Rei," Nagisa started, choosing his words carefully. Rei waited for him to finish his thought, the sounds of water and miscellaneous insects filling the silence. "Are you...okay? With everything?"

"I, um. I think so. Yeah, I'm excited."

Nagisa shot him an incredulous look. "Excited? Who are you fooling? You're worried, huh? You're nervous about moving."

Rei almost wanted to laugh. Nagisa could see right through him, and it was almost frustrating. It took Rei forever to understand his own emotions, but it took Nagisa three seconds. 

Truth be told, nervous was an understatement. Rei had never left the town he'd grown up in. He had lived there all his life, only leaving it to visit his grandparents outside the prefecture on occasion. The only times he had ever seen a city were when he traveled with the swim team. He'd never even been to Tokyo, yet here he was, set to attend school there for the next four years. Rei had heard great things about the school, obviously- it was one of the best post-secondary educations that were available to him in Japan. His grades didn't lie. Rei was book smart, meaning he was one of the few people from Iwatobi to get accepted. However, he lacked in the common sense department. Attending a school he'd never seen before in the middle of the most populous city in the country (when Rei hated crowds with a passion) was one of those common sense decisions that he probably should have rethought.

And there were parts of Iwatobi he didn't know if he was ready to part with. Nagisa was one of them.

They didn't talk about college, ever. Rei mentioned it way back when he got accepted, and Nagisa did the same when he was accepted to a more local university. Rei didn't want to talk about it then and he didn't want to talk about it now. When they were younger, Nagisa had talked about about college incessantly- more specifically, going to college together. When he grades first dropped, he worked hard to ensure his place in the swim team. But even after swim season was over, it became his personal mission to maintain those good grades and make them better. Rei asked him why once, and Nagisa just smiled. 

"I've got to keep up with you. If we're going to be together after high school, I need to work extra hard." Rei remembered blushing beet red and burying his face in a history textbook. He definitely hadn't been opposed to going to college with Nagisa- new experiences were a whole lot less scary when he was there.

But that wasn't the way things worked out. And now Rei was going to throw himself into a university alone. Nagisa was going to study ecology, and Rei was going to study chemical science miles away.

He could feel himself spacing out. Who was he fooling? Nagisa knew everything already, and he couldn't even stay focused on the conversation long enough to convince him otherwise. "I'm not, honestly. I've been working for this my whole life," he answered defiantly. But it was more to assure himself more than anything.

Nagisa smiled. "I'm glad."

Rei softened. That was one thing he would definitely miss. Nagisa was so genuine that it could literally make a situation more tolerable just to have him around. There was a part of Rei that was afraid to admit it, but the blonde could calm him down and make him incredibly nervous at the same exact time. Genuine honesty like that- it was reassuring, but it was incredibly intimidating as well. It made Rei want to pour his guts out to him, tell him nothing but the truth, but spill lies at the same time and tell him anything he'd want to hear. Well, he'd told his share of lies already tonight.

"I'm just...irritated. I like to know what's expected of me, and what I'm supposed to expect out of the people around me. I don't like to leave things up to chance, but that's exactly what I'm doing the minute I leave high school. Futures piss me off, I guess," Rei sighed, leaning back and transferring his weight to his palms. He found himself surprised by how much he was willing to admit. Though it didn't even scrape the surface of his true inner turmoil, it was more than he'd ever shared with anyone else. Especially Nagisa. He didn't want his best friend, one of the closest friends he'd ever had, to look at him like he was some kind of mental case (which wouldn't be far from the truth).

The blonde hummed. "But futures lead to the chance of better things. Even better than you were expecting, probably."

"Not always."

"Ah," Nagisa winked, "not always _at first_. But it always works itself out eventually."

Rei felt his eyes roll into the back of his head. "That's cheesy. And you're naive."

Nagisa stuck out his lip, considering what Rei had said. "...Maybe so. But if you always see the worst in everything, that's all you're gunna get. Stop getting irritated with everything and be level headed."

Now, that was the kind of positivity that gave Rei a stomachache. Nagisa wasn't just a glass-half-full kind of guy; he was a "the glass is a least sixty percent full if you look at it from this angle" kind of guy. Combine his undying optimism with his award-winning sense of relaxation and you'd get everything that Rei wasn't. They were polar opposites, so sometimes Rei had trouble following along with Nagisa's head-in-the-clouds advice.

"Well, not everyone can be as relaxed as you all the time."

"That's not true. You're as relaxed as you want to be. Whether you've realized it or not, you thrive off of tension, Rei."

"That's _not-_ " He was about to object when the words got caught in his throat. Nagisa might have been right there.

Nagisa giggled. "If you ever need to relax, remind yourself of the things that make you happy. I do it all the time. Whenever you're in a bad situation, thing of your favorite things that make you who you are and define your ability to overcome anything that gets thrown at you."

"What cereal box did you read that off of? And I feel that's easier said than done."

"No, it's not. Try it. For example, you like, uh, books, right? You're a nerd, I'm sure you read your fair share of them. What's your favorite book?" Rei scoffed, choosing to ignore Nagisa's comment about him being a nerd. And it's not like he had much ground to deny it on- he loved books.

"You'll laugh if I tell you."

Nagisa pouted. "My god. No, I won't. Chances are I've never even read it. Tell me!"

Rei huffed dramatically. "It's...The Little Prince. By Antoine de Saint-Exupéry."

When Nagisa didn't reply, Rei glanced in his direction. He wasn't surprised to find that he was hunched over stifling his laughs, at which Rei rolled his eyes. "It's not that funny."

Nagisa gasped for air, which resulted in another stream of giggles. "No, Rei! It's not that. I just wasn't expecting for you to like kid's books."

"It's not a kid's book! It's a _novella_."

"That's just a fancy way of saying kid's book, though."

Rei shot Nagisa a look, to which Nagisa responded with sly grin. That was the look he gave when he knew he was getting away with something, whether it be an insult that Rei had no intention of yelling at him for or an incident that would have gotten anyone else in big trouble. The blonde turned to face forward and sighed pleasantly, staring at the low-hanging moon with doe eyes. He continued with a smile on his face. "That's so unlike you. I mean, you're usually all about, like, math. And logic and stuff. But that's the least logical book I've ever read. It barely even makes sense."

"That's not true. It's highly logical once you understand it. If you break it down into little parts and analyze the symbolism, the personification, and the metaphors, then all of the other parts start to make sense. Then they tell an entirely different story within the preexisting one," Rei insisted.

Nagisa snorted. "I only understood half of what you just said, but I'm happy as long as you are."

Rei felt his cheeks heat up. Every once in a while, Nagisa would make comments like that- as if his happiness was contingent on how Rei was feeling. "It's your decision and I'll support it no matter what," "I'm okay if you're okay". Things like that. It made him feel...warm.

"And you are such a contradiction, might I add," Nagisa noted thoughtfully. Rei gave a questioning look at the boy, who looked very matter-of-fact about his choice of words.

"What?"

"Did I use the word wrong? I don't think I did. You're a _contradiction_ , Rei Ryugazaki. How can you find logic in a book like that when you refuse to find any in love? Or in the future?"

Rei smiled, amused by Nagisa's lack of confidence in his vocabulary. "I can't find logic in love because emotions are illogical in the first place. And the future can't be logical if it doesn't exist yet."

"Emotions are based on hormones and brainwaves, right? That's logical. And you can find logic in the emotions that you feel about the future, or your past experiences. I dunno," Nagisa shrugged.

"I get what you're saying, but I don't agree with it."

"Agree to disagree, then."

Silence washed over them. Nagisa threw his hands to his sides and dug his palms into the concrete. Rei glanced down at them; his hands were only a couple inches from his own. Instinctively, he felt himself inch a little closer, but backed off once he realized what he was doing.

"You remind me of him."

Nagisa raised an eyebrow. "Of who?"

Rei looked down at his lap. "The little prince. Y'know, in the book. You even look like him."

Nagisa laughed. "That's kind of ridiculous."

"No, it isn't. You came out of nowhere three years ago and completely changed the course my life was on. Sure, I wasn't headed anywhere special either way, but you- Haruka and Makoto too- made it feel like I was."

Nagisa was blushing. It was dark, but Rei could see it- the way his cheeks flushed right underneath his eyes. It reminded Rei of the summers he had spent with Nagisa over the years, when his cheeks would get slightly sunburnt after he'd forget to put on sunscreen. The blonde smiled sheepishly. "Would that make you the pilot, then?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Hm. You're a lot like the pilot, don't you think? Maybe we're the real-life version! Mako can be the fox, and Haru can be the flower...oh, I don think that makes sense any more. Either way, the ending's going to turn out all wrong."

"The ending?"

Nagisa smiled again, but this was a sad smile. Rei had only seen it a couple times, but it was one of the most depressing things he'd ever seen. "Yeah. The part where the prince leaves to go back to his planet and leaves the pilot behind. That wouldn't work for our ending."

"What makes you say that?"

"Well, you're the one leaving me."

Rei's eyes went wide at the comment. He sensed a little sadness in Nagisa's voice, and he was surprised by it. After all, he'd never expressed any feelings about their college futures, and neither had Rei.

"Don't make me feel guilty." _It's not like I want to leave you_ , he thought to himself. He felt his heart pang.

"That not what I meant! I was just saying. You know I'm super excited for you. Probably more excited than you are for yourself."

"...That doesn't make sense."

"Yes, it does. You dodged the topic when we first started talking about it. Don't think I didn't notice."

"I didn't dodge anything," he mumbled, staring at his sneakers. He hated being figured out so easily. Nagisa was reading him like a damn book.

"Hm. I know you better than you think I do."

Rei sighed in irritation. "Stop being so cryptic, Nagisa. I hate when you toy with me like that."

Nagisa turned his body to face Rei dead-on. Their foreheads were about a foot apart, eyes on each other as if there was nothing else that deserved their attention.

"What are you so afraid of?"

What was he so afraid of? He was afraid of so much. He was afraid of futures and friendships and the possibility of ruining them. He was afraid of failure and he was terrified of not being good enough. He was afraid of the inevitable- the things that couldn't be solved through a memorized algorithm or showing your work.

"I'm not afraid of anything."

Nagisa barked out a laugh. "Don't bullshit me. I didn't come out here three hours before dawn so that you could lie to me, did I?"

Rei didn't respond, and Nagisa started laughing again. 

The blonde crossed his legs and folded his arms in his lap. He shifted his focus from Rei to the cloudless sky above them. His eyes followed the stars as he took the time to glance at each one individually, mesmerized by the pin-pricks of light. "Here's what I think," he ventured, smiling to himself. "I don't think you're as much of a tough guy as you want everyone to think you are. Everyone's afraid of something."

The light of the stars caught in Nagisa's eyes, illuminating them and making them shine as if they were stars themselves. The breeze picked up a little bit, tousling his already-atrocious bed head into something even less manageable. A smile still lingered on his lips as his eyes darted back and forth, subconsciously tracing the constellations.

_Everyone's afraid of something.  
What are you so afraid of?_

"Nagisa Hazuki," Rei breathed, lowering his face to Nagisa's. They were inches apart, and Rei could feel Nagisa's breath on his neck.

"I am terrified."

Rei's lips were against Nagisa's before he even knew what he was doing. His hands cupped his cheeks and his eyes were scrunched tight and they were kissing the way Rei had always been too afraid to imagine ever going through with. The ambient white noise of Japan melted down into a dull silence and Rei found himself completely unable to move, to think, or to breathe as he was suffocated by something in his gut. He didn't know what that something was, but it felt warm.

They could've been just sitting there for hours, or it could've been a couple of seconds; Rei couldn't tell. But he eventually came to his senses and pulled away from his friend's face. He felt Nagisa sitting there, staring, but he couldn't look at him. Rei could only imagine the look on his face, and he was too much of a baby to see it for himself. Man, he'd really fucked up. He took a deep breath, and then another, so that he wouldn't start crying. And then he was honest for one of the first times the entire night.

"I'm afraid of ruining things. I'm scared of producing something or being someone that isn't perfect. And while I'm scared of not being able to obtain perfection, I'm scared of perfection itself. Perfect things- perfect people- intimidate me. I don't want to ruin them. And then when those perfect things find their way into my life, I'm afraid of losing them. So naturally, I hesitate to do anything that has the chance of scaring them away."

He rose to his feet, tears pricking at the corners of his eyes. "But they...they leave anyway. They always do. No matter what I do, I can't keep them from leaving."

And then he was off. His beat-up sneakers carried him away from whatever the fuck he'd just caused, paying no attention to where he was going- just away. Gravel crunched under his feet and somewhere behind him, he could hear crickets chirping. 

"Rei!"

The tone of Nagisa's voice was borderline heartbreaking. That was his fault. He'd done that. He'd ruined it, and here he was, running from it. He didn't stop. A car passed by him and became a harsh blur of red paint and blinding headlights. The crickets got louder as he passed a flickering lamppost. All the noise around him was gone besides the thud of his footsteps against the wet concrete. But he wasn't listening. He couldn't feel anything at all. Rei kept running.

He was numb, floating, until he felt something jerk him back. "Rei." There was a firm grip on his sleeve and Rei turned to face him. Nagisa's eyes were wide and shiny, the way they get when he's about to cry. He sniffled and furrowed his brow in a way that made him look like a sad and angry mess. "Where are you going?" he asked, voice cracking halfway through.

"I have to go. I have to-"

"Stop. You're graduating tomorrow; act like it."

Nagisa clutched Rei's collar and tugged him down to eye level in one swift motion that widened Rei's eyes in shock. "Think about the people around you," he murmured. And then he kissed him.

It wasn't beautiful. It was rough and messy and desperate. In fact, it was the exact opposite of what Rei thought Nagisa was capable of. But it was passionate and incredible and warm at the same time, to such an extent that Rei couldn't describe it. The feeling was back in his stomach, but this time it was even more intense- his insides were burning bright red. At some point Nagisa's arms ended up linked behind Rei's neck, and Rei could feel his fingers brush against his nape. Not really sure what to do with himself, Rei put his hands on Nagisa's hips as lightly as possible, as if he would break if he touched him the wrong way. But that wasn't the case at all; Nagisa was firm and confident in everything he did. He was solid, real, and tangible. Rei could feel him under his hands and on his lips and on his neck- he was surrounded by Nagisa in a way that made it feel like there was nothing else that mattered.

It wasn't beautiful, but Nagisa was. God, was he pretty. Rei had always tried not to think about it, but it was hard not to in a situation like this. When he'd first met him, Rei had been intrigued by his eyes and the way they got brighter during certain hours of the day until they started to turn the color of cherry blossoms. And he always had this adventurous look about him, like he was willing to go just about anywhere with you if you were up for it. And he had that sweet smile that gave the impression that he knew everything about you without saying a word. Nagisa was intriguing, plain and simple. Rei wanted to know everything about him: whether or not he liked dogs, what his favorite color was, if he liked the sound of the rain on windowsills as much as Rei did. How his lips tasted on a hot afternoon, what hugging him close felt like. Rei wanted to know it all.

Nagisa was the one to pull away this time, eyes closed, lips parted, cheeks flushed. He caught his breath for a second and smiled. "I wish we'd done all this a little sooner," he laughed. Rei couldn't have agreed more.

"I'm sorry. For being childish."

"And stupid. And moody, at times. But I forgive you," Nagisa chided. He turned on his heel to head back towards the house. "But I don't suggest running away from me like that ever again," he teased, looking over his shoulder back at Rei. "I'll always catch up to you."

Rei smiled wide for the first time that night, then jogged a couple steps to walk alongside the blonde.

"That sounds good to me, Nagisa."

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as a bit of a test run. It's my first time writing Free! fanfiction (my second time writing fanfiction at all, actually), and I wanted to see how a Rei/Nagisa one shot would fare before I wrote anything full-length. So I'm sorry if this sucks, but if it's any consolation I'm going to start working on a multi-chapter story really soon (completely unrelated to this one, besides the fact that it's Reigisa).
> 
> I hope you enjoyed it! If you didn't, feel free to share any constructive criticism and I'll be more than thankful.
> 
> Thanks again for reading!!!


End file.
